A Birth Story

The birth of baby G is something that I’ve wanted to share, an experience that I found humbling, stressful, exciting, and just about every other emotion you can come up with in the book.

I found out I was pregnant after my older sister had her first son and while my oldest sister was pregnant with her second child, but first son. We couldn’t be more excited as we had been praying for and waiting for God’s perfect timing in giving us a child (albeit not as patiently as I should have been). After my sister Lisa’s birth, I knew the kind of birth I wanted. We weren’t able to take classes, and was told that our hospital class wouldn’t do much for us. But I read, Joel read, we talked, we watched youtube videos. We knew what we wanted in birth.

Fast forward. I was 40 weeks. Leading up to 40 weeks I knew I wasn’t going to be giving birth anytime soon. I let Joel go hunting away from the home. I walked, I ate Chinese, spicy food, drank cumin tea, bounced on my yoga ball. Nothing was going to make baby G (as we referred to him until he was born) budge from his comfortable place nowhere near my birth canal! I was never uncomfortable; in fact pregnancy was amazing (I really can’t wait to do it again).

The day of my 40 week appointment (40+3  days), I knew induction would come up. I never wanted to be induced, in fact there were instructions in my birth plan otherwise. My dr was on call for the whole weekend, and I was having less fetal movement. Everything looked great on the ultrasound, the NST, and at my appointment. I still hadn’t budged past a “Debikey 1,” which if you knew my dr, is not even a centimeter. I had been in early labor for at least a few days, without knowing it until my NST. I was having regular contractions 6-7 minutes apart, and when I was told they were real and not BH, I said, "Oh it’s been like this for 2 days!"  We were set to induce that night at 6. Had I known what was ahead of me, I would have gone home and slept. Instead we went home and enjoyed our last moments as only husband and wife. We ate dinner at my favorite Mexican restaurant on the way to the hospital.

We were checked in, contractions every 5-6 minutes (I had noticed them getting a little closer). I had an intern look for Baby G’s head before induction started. She couldn’t find it. I told her to look higher as he wasn’t in my birth canal or anywhere near it, but she still couldn’t’ find it. I suggested that we had already had an ultrasound 3 hours earlier and that he was certainly head down. She finally got the okay to continue. Dr. Debikey said we could skip the cervadil since I was having consistent contractions. I was asked my birth plan, it was to get my baby here safely, with as little intervention as possible (aside from the obvious augmentation of labor)

Pitocin was started. Progression was slow. 12 hours later I was at a 2. I had no desire for pain medication. I had never wanted to be hooked up to IV, machines, or anything to induce or help labor progress. My husband and I labored together. He rubbed my back, got me dum dums, ice, encouraged me, took me to the bathroom, and was wonderful all together. I tried to listen to relaxation music, but all that worked was Dave Matthews (which was actually just fine with me!). I bounced and rolled and swayed on my yoga ball. The nurse brought me lavender, every single nurse I had was all for me going natural. Nothing was getting Baby G to move.

21 hours in: I thought to myself, will I be able to push this baby out at this rate? I took an epidural. Looking back I wouldn’t have done it. The pain wasn’t bad. Contractions weren’t what people described them to be, but I was exhausted. I need to sleep (I didn’t). Dr tried to break my water, didn’t work. At one point I was sure I was having a heart attack, but the nurse assured me it was just Baby G's feet right underneath my breasts pushing back every contraction.  At 1:45, about 31 or so hours into labor, I needed to push. I looked over at Joel, he was sleeping (at least one of us was going to need strength and rest) and my nurse said she’d be in at 2:15 to check me. I thought, I’ll just wait, I’m sure I can. Nope, I started pushing on my own, then I thought I should call the nurse. She came in, Dr. Debikey who had just gone to sleep in the on call room came in.

My epidural was turned off (not like it worked anyway!). I pushed and pushed, threw up in between contractions, was on oxygen.  At one point I begged Baby G to make his entrance. I said I couldn’t do it, my dr told me to get mad at her. I played tug of war with the nurse, anything to get Baby G to budge. Dr. Debikey called in the NICU team, and finally, 33+ hours after entering the hospital, baby G made his entrance. There must have been something wrong that I didn’t realize because my dr at one point asked me, forceps or episiotomy. I said episiotomy (hurt me, not the baby please). She never let me know anything was wrong, she encouraged me through the whole thing. Baby G didn’t get to come to my chest, we didn’t get to wait to cut the cord, he was immediately handed over to the NICU team. Joel said he saw the clock they set on his breathing, and while it only said a minute when he finally took his first breath, it felt like forever. After his two APGAR scores, he was finally given to Joel (as I was shaking and being stitched).  He finally came to me, again felt like forever, although I’m sure it wasn’t long at all. We nursed right away. He was so alert and attentive. The most beautiful little baby I’ve ever seen. Baby G was finally named, Ezra Dean.

I don’t regret how Ezra came into the world, I am thankful he arrived safely and with the immediate attention of amazing doctors. I look back and would of course not have gotten the epidural, but everything else I certainly would have done again. I was glad it was turned off so I knew exactly what to do, how to do it and felt Ezra enter the world.  My dr was amazed we didn’t end up in the OR since Ezra was never engaged until I physically pushed him down and out. In the end we have a healthy, beautiful baby boy, and that was all I could ask for!

Letting Go

I've learned a lot in mommyhood. One of the most important things I've learned is that sometimes you just have to let things go and sometimes you let TOO much go!

Sunday, I did my hair for the first time since a friend's wedding in April. That meant, blow drying it and straightening it. I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten. I actually like it long, but I look weird. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been that way since my senior year in college before I got married. I don't not do it because I don't have time, I don't do it because little fingers get wrapped up into pulling it. Funny enough, I don't think my baby enjoyed looking at me on Sunday.

I actually wore makeup for the first time since April, twice this week. Job interviews prompted that.... but again, being made up made me feel great!

A few weeks ago, I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed our ceramic tile floor. It took forever and was a good workout. Maybe a benefit of not having money to actually pay for a nice mop... I've learned that since our son is all over the place, a dirty floor makes for a VERY dirty little boy. I wish I could vacuum and mop every single day! That being said, the things I've let go the most has been cleaning.

Joel and I went Vegan for a 28 day diet in June. It prompted me to HAVE to cook. Now we cook every meal, albeit not all vegan anymore, but mainly so. It's great being back in the kitchen, although some days it is harder than others to not just throw a frozen pizza in the oven.

I've started running again. I wish it was nice enough outside to get to do it with Joel and E in the stroller at the park every day, but 90 degree weather does not agree with that.

These are all "self-improvement" things that I had let go being a mommy. Now the biggest thing I've had to LEARN to let go, is that my son is not going to just conform to everything I want him to conform to. I know a lot of books tell you to not let your children run your life and decide when and what you do, but sometimes strong-willed little boys have a different plan.

I've tried my hardest to let go of the notion that my son will be a good sleeper. I still have my nights and days that he just frustrates me on end about his horrible sleep habits, but I've learned more or less to just embrace the little non-sleeper her is. He's surprised us on occasion, like this week, and slept all the way through the night. He did it three nights in a row this week, then last night, out of no where, had no desire to sleep and had an hour + middle of the night party. I finally brought him to bed for the first time all week. I actually enjoyed waking up with him in my arms this morning. I wouldn't mind that, but it would be nice if it would only happen once a week, not every day!

When we were struggling with breastfeeding, that was the hardest thing to let go. Not many mommy's to be have the idea that they'll just exclusively pump to feed their baby, that they wouldn't get to have that "amazing" connection of breastfeeding that EVERYONE talks about. Letting go of all of that is still probably the most difficult thing I've had to do in mommyhood. Yes, even more difficult than not getting sleep. I still mourn over not being able to breastfeed my baby, especially when I'm out and about and feeding on the go is just not easy.

I've had to let go of all desires of getting out. As I said above, the feeding thing is not easy on the go. My son loves his milk warm and will gag or not eat much if it's room temperature, have I said he's picky?! He also doesn't sleep on the go, unless extremely tired in the car. so I can't just visit friends with the thought that he'll fall asleep in my arms or someone else's arms. I remember those first few weeks of life in which he did this....

I know it's hard work, and letting go of things is definitely not in my nature, but it's all been completely worth it. Everything about mommyhood has been completely worth it!

It's All in a Name

When we first found out we were pregnant I did not want to find out whether we were having a boy or a girl. I wanted to be surprised at the end, but Joel thought differently. He was the last to carry on the family name and was desperate to have a boy. I have to admit, I also was hoping for a boy, but would have been thrilled either way!

I had my mind set, I wouldn't find out the gender of our baby, but Joel would and keep it a secret from everyone. Then the 20 week ultrasound happened. As I'm laying on the table with the warm goop all over my belly, the question is asked, "Do you want to know whether you are having a boy or a girl?" I immediately responded with a no.... drawn out with I don't think so..... uhm, okay, tell us. I have to admit, finding out and seeing him on the ultrasound was the most amazing thing! Knowing that our little baby is a boy was so incredible. I think, maybe, we both cried.

Prior to finding out if we were having a boy or a girl, Joel and I made name lists. We pretty much had our boy name picked out, but our girls' list was long. We definitely couldn't come to an agreement on a name. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be able to tell whether we were having a boy or a girl by the names that we chose, hence the lists being done early.

Joel and I both had the understanding that a name has to be special. We wanted something we thought was unique. We didn't want our son to grow up in a classroom with multiples of the same name. I had to deal with that!. Our middle names were always picked out, so we had to make sure that the first names would match up well.

I fully believe that picking a name for your child is such a special task and a scary one at that. I worried about the name being picked. Would he be made fun of? Would people understand the name? Would people think we're weird? But it came down to the fact that we LOVE his name. He wouldn't be the same kid with a different name. I feel like this was one of my first successful tasks in mommyhood, naming our baby. I was worried when he was born whether the name would fit him. I wanted to look at him before announcing his name to the room.

So mommies to be, don't worry about the name you've chosen. I'm sure it's special for a reason. Just remember YOU chose it and you've used one of your first mommy's instinct!

We didn't share our son's name until the day he was born. Even the nurses during labor were trying to get it out of us, but we were set on keeping it a secret. So sorry folks, you won't get to "know" (So don't spoil it in the comments!) until I tell my birth story! Hang on... it's coming, and it's a bumpy ride!