Letting Go

I've learned a lot in mommyhood. One of the most important things I've learned is that sometimes you just have to let things go and sometimes you let TOO much go!

Sunday, I did my hair for the first time since a friend's wedding in April. That meant, blow drying it and straightening it. I didn't realize how long my hair had gotten. I actually like it long, but I look weird. I'm pretty sure it hasn't been that way since my senior year in college before I got married. I don't not do it because I don't have time, I don't do it because little fingers get wrapped up into pulling it. Funny enough, I don't think my baby enjoyed looking at me on Sunday.

I actually wore makeup for the first time since April, twice this week. Job interviews prompted that.... but again, being made up made me feel great!

A few weeks ago, I got on my hands and knees and scrubbed our ceramic tile floor. It took forever and was a good workout. Maybe a benefit of not having money to actually pay for a nice mop... I've learned that since our son is all over the place, a dirty floor makes for a VERY dirty little boy. I wish I could vacuum and mop every single day! That being said, the things I've let go the most has been cleaning.

Joel and I went Vegan for a 28 day diet in June. It prompted me to HAVE to cook. Now we cook every meal, albeit not all vegan anymore, but mainly so. It's great being back in the kitchen, although some days it is harder than others to not just throw a frozen pizza in the oven.

I've started running again. I wish it was nice enough outside to get to do it with Joel and E in the stroller at the park every day, but 90 degree weather does not agree with that.

These are all "self-improvement" things that I had let go being a mommy. Now the biggest thing I've had to LEARN to let go, is that my son is not going to just conform to everything I want him to conform to. I know a lot of books tell you to not let your children run your life and decide when and what you do, but sometimes strong-willed little boys have a different plan.

I've tried my hardest to let go of the notion that my son will be a good sleeper. I still have my nights and days that he just frustrates me on end about his horrible sleep habits, but I've learned more or less to just embrace the little non-sleeper her is. He's surprised us on occasion, like this week, and slept all the way through the night. He did it three nights in a row this week, then last night, out of no where, had no desire to sleep and had an hour + middle of the night party. I finally brought him to bed for the first time all week. I actually enjoyed waking up with him in my arms this morning. I wouldn't mind that, but it would be nice if it would only happen once a week, not every day!

When we were struggling with breastfeeding, that was the hardest thing to let go. Not many mommy's to be have the idea that they'll just exclusively pump to feed their baby, that they wouldn't get to have that "amazing" connection of breastfeeding that EVERYONE talks about. Letting go of all of that is still probably the most difficult thing I've had to do in mommyhood. Yes, even more difficult than not getting sleep. I still mourn over not being able to breastfeed my baby, especially when I'm out and about and feeding on the go is just not easy.

I've had to let go of all desires of getting out. As I said above, the feeding thing is not easy on the go. My son loves his milk warm and will gag or not eat much if it's room temperature, have I said he's picky?! He also doesn't sleep on the go, unless extremely tired in the car. so I can't just visit friends with the thought that he'll fall asleep in my arms or someone else's arms. I remember those first few weeks of life in which he did this....

I know it's hard work, and letting go of things is definitely not in my nature, but it's all been completely worth it. Everything about mommyhood has been completely worth it!