It's been forever since I've posted, maybe because I've been busy chasing a toddler, working, trying to prepare for a new baby, or just trying to "relax" as much as possible.
In a conversation with two good friends this morning, via facebook, I decided that maybe I should get my thoughts and feelings "out there." So Ready or Not? What's it all about?
I've recently been feeling overwhelmed with my pregnancy, overwhelmed with the idea of adding another baby to our crazy life. I've been overwhelmed with wondering just how I can handle this, when my 15 month old still doesn't sleep well. How am I going to be a "good" mommy to a newborn and to my son? The fact of the matter is, I'm not ready for this.
I've felt a disconnect to this pregnancy and baby girl. Maybe it's because she was such a surprise (to me, Joel may say it wasn't as surprising to him), maybe it's because my children will be so close in age, maybe it's because I'm overly busy and overly tired? I don't know what the cause for it is, but it indeed makes me feel like a bad mommy. I can't even seem to name this little girl. With Ezra, as soon as we found the name, we knew it was his name. For baby girl, I have no clue. Okay, that's not entirely true. I can't decide between two names. I like them both. I've thought that maybe I need to see her, but I can't imagine that a person "looks like a name."
My sister reminded me that every relationship with our children will be different. I'll bond differently with this little girl than I did with Ezra and she'll be different than Ezra. One thing I do know, I love her, and I know that I have so much love to give her as her mommy.
Thankfully, my friends reminded me that we're never ready for big life changes. That I'll learn to be a mommy to two children, that everything will be okay. To be honest, as soon as I got these feelings out to someone, I felt better. Even just thinking some of these things made me feel like a bad mommy.
So whether I'm ready or not for my next journey in mommyhood, it's coming my way sooner rather than later!
There's no way you're a bad mom! The fact that you're worrying about it shows that you care. I didn't feel the bond with R the same way as I did with A, either. I think perhaps it's because you're so busy that baby isn't the only thing on your mind like it is with the first. Don't feel guilty!!! It's a juggling act, but having two kids is AWESOME! You'll do great!
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