A Heartbeat

Baby G, I've already talked about how much I loved you from the get go, but I don't think I realized just how much until I was 10 weeks along. We had waited until we were almost 9 weeks to tell family. My parents and sister and her family were in town for Easter. We announced it to them and to a few friends, then called the rest of our family. I can't speak for them, but I'm sure everyone was elated, especially my family. I was going to have the third grandchild in a year. My grandparents came into town shortly after and we announced it to them as well.

Two days later, J was at work, and I started seeing some spotting. Now, for some people that might not shock them all that much, but to me, panic set in. I waited through the morning, laying on my side, drinking water, everything that Google tells you to do. In the afternoon I had more bleeding, and I knew that I had to visit the doctor. I called and got in immediately.

I begged J to come home and go with me, but he wouldn't have made it in time. So I went by myself, expecting the very worse. I cried the whole 2 miles to my OB's office. I sat in the waiting room feeling completely numb, watching all the other, very pregnant mommies around me. I thought to myself that this was the worst possible thing that could happen to us. I prayed and prayed that everything would be okay with you, Baby G.

I was called back to the ultrasound room. I undressed, and hopped up on the table. I can't remember the ultrasound tech's name, but she was so gentle and so kind. She handed me tissues, telling me I'd need them either way. I am sure I held my breath the entire time I was in that room, until she turned on the sound of the heartbeat. Your beautiful, strong heartbeat Baby G. She was right, I needed tissues no matter what. I didn't even cry the first time we "met" you, when I was 7 weeks and we saw you on that ultrasound and heard your heartbeat. I admit there were tears in my eyes, but not full out crying.

A short 5 days later, I had my first OB appointment, and you scared me again. As my OB said, it was early to get a heartbeat on a Doppler, but I still got scared when it didn't show up. So, I got to see you again and hear that beautiful sound again. Mommies to be and wanna be mommies, that may be one of the most amazing and beautiful sounds you'll ever hear, the heartbeat of your child. I wish I could bottle up that sound and release it whenever I have a bad day. In those short 5 days, you grew so much. I still love looking at those ultrasound pictures and looking in amazement at this little "thing" that would soon be in my arms. Although these were my first two scares in mommyhood, I'm sure they will not be my last.