Not So Great, Expectations

I think I'm like most mommy's to be, you have a picture in mind on how things will go. You have expectations set out in front of you, and excitement giving you these amazing expectations. I'm here to tell you, to burst your bubble, mommy's to be: that mommyhood doesn't always go as you expect. Would you like some examples?

• Our first and biggest rule when we brought E home was that no one, not a single person, mommy, daddy, grandma(s), was allowed to sleep with him. This being said, our mom's spent the majority of their time here, taking turns with daddy, staying up all night holding our little boy because he didn't want to sleep on his own in his cradle. They were kind enough to let mommy sleep (most of the time). Come around to 2 months of age. E was still not desiring to sleep on his own. Daddy would hold E sitting up in the rocking chair half the night and mommy would bring him to bed when daddy got ready for work. The beginning of sleeping with our baby happened here. I never expected to be a co-sleeper, but out of necessity, became one. It's a rare night now that E doesn't end up in bed with us. We haven't had to start most nights with him in bed, but almost every morning we are awoken by his beautiful smile when he needs to furiously sit up and crawl around immediately upon waking. I can't say that I don't love the cuddles in the morning, they are wonderful, but so are the cuddles with J when we don't have a baby in between us. 
• I was going to be a "Babywise" mom. I've mentioned this before, but let me mention it again, I had my mind set on exactly what kind of schedule we'd have in order to increase the probability of my baby sleeping through the night at an early age. When E hated being scheduled and would refuse to eat when I said it was time to eat, the whole Babywise went out the window. I still managed to have him awake after eating on most days, but then again, sometimes he'd only go to sleep for a nap if he was "nursed" down.
• I was going to nurse my baby for 12 + months. Mommy's to be, nursing can be hard, in fact it may be one of the hardest things that you have to learn at the beginning of mommyhood. For us, it actually went off without a hitch. I was nervous that it wouldn't go well because I wasn't able to have E put immediately to my breast after he was born, but within 30 minutes to an hour after (I really have no recollection of time after birth, so it may have been shorter or longer), he was latching on without much need for help from the nurses. I was elated. I thought, oh good, one thing I was worried about I don't have to worry about! When my mom came down the day after he was born, she was shocked at how well it was going for us as well. I wasn't in any incredible pain, and enjoyed our time together. A week later things weren't going so well. E would scream and pull away every time we nursed. We began to think that he had colic, but that was not the case. Crying took place from both of us, he'd scream, I'd cry. We had a difficult time. J would come home from work and I'd be so defeated from the day and nursing. I gave in at 4 weeks and started giving him a bottle, which he took much better. I assumed I had an overactive let down, which I did, but that wasn't what bothered him. I visited a Lactation Consultant, they suggested reflux. E's dr prescribed him medicine, which didn't make much difference. I later realized (all too late) that E reacted negatively when I ate anything citrus. I had two weeks in which I didn't have citrus at all, and he nursed wonderfully. When he finally quite nursing during the daytime all together, I started pumping exclusively. It's tiring, obviously time consuming, and to be honest, hurt my feelings. I felt like a complete failure, and looking back still do. I pumped exclusively for 4 months. E was 6 months when my supply completely dried up. I will always feel guilty about this, although after speaking with E's pediatrician, my surgery was why I dried up (can't feel TOO guilty about a much needed surgery). 
• You may never get anything done at home, may never have a great meal on the table when your husband gets home, and at the beginning of mommyhood, that is okay! I never realized how hard it is to keep a clean home and dinner on the table with a clingy, non-sleeper. When I finally learned that baby wearing is the way to go, dinner became a much easier thing to do. However, the cleaning still takes awhile. E hates loud noises, so turning on the vacuum cleaner is an absolute no, unless J is home to watch him on a different level of the house. As E's pediatrician said, the housework can wait, just take care of your baby. I had a hard time with this, especially for the first 4 months, while E took every single nap on me. 
• Mommyhood is hard. Wait, duh! Who said it was easy? I know, I know. No one said it's easy, but no one said it's as hard as it has been. No one said that you may go crazy when your baby doesn't stop crying and won't go to sleep and won't nurse. No one said that you may not know why your baby is crying. No one said when other mommy's talk about everything they do and you look at yourself, unshaven, not showered, wearing dirty, spit uppy, clothes, that you'd be more jealous than anything. No one said that you'd be stuck in the house day in and day out. It's hard work. Harder than anything I expected. And no, it hasn't always been great. 

So mommy's and mommy's to be. What lessons can you learn? Your expectations going into and in mommyhood may not stick. It's okay. Figure out what works best for you, even if you've been completely against it in the past. Embrace the fact that YOU are your child's mommy and mommy knows best (I still have a hard time believing this on a daily basis).