The Beginning

To all mommies, mommies to be, and especially my son:

The beginning of mommyhood was a long road for us. We had desired to become parents for quite awhile, but much to our dismay it does not happen as easily for some people as it does for others. Months upon months of waiting, quitting a job that we felt was causing a lot of stress on the situation, and months later, my journey in mommyhood began. For all you mommies to be and want to be mommies, prayer and friends is what got me through my months of waiting. Knowing that others had been in my shoes and that others were going through it with me at the same time made it a little easier, but nothing made people's announcements any less hard. It is hard to be genuinely happy for others that get pregnant (and especially easily), but you try with all your might.

I wish I could remember the date that I "knew" I was pregnant. I didn't even share it with J (my husband). I didn't want to get our hopes up. In fact, I wasn't one of those POAS (pee on a stick) addicts. I had only done it once previously on our journey. I never wanted to get my hopes up, so always waited for the dreaded Aunt Flo day. This time it was different. About a week and a half before Aunt Flo was to arrive, I knew it. People had told me I would, but I didn't believe them. I was supposed to have my annual appointment with a new OB/GYN on a Monday, the night before I told J that I had thought we were pregnant, Aunt Flo wasn't supposed to arrive until Friday. Since I wasn't sure, I went to my appointment with the same mindset I had previously, to talk about not being able to get pregnant. I told my new Dr (who is amazing), that I thought I was pregnant, but if I wasn't, we were having trouble doing so. We went through everything, blood work, plans for J to visit a urologist, etc, etc. She also made mention of my thyroids. During the appointment she had said my "uterus felt generous." I had no clue what that meant, but walked away feeling good. She'd call the next day with the blood work results.

I waited for a phone call. Never got one. Tuesday went by, Wednesday went by, and finally I couldn't take it any longer. J came home that night with an EPT, but we waited for the next morning. Thursday morning, my first pee of the day, I did it. My hands were shaking, J was in bed waiting. I went back to bed to wait. After 3 long minutes, we walked into the bathroom and saw a +! But wait, does that + look the same if you turn the stick this way?! Of course... we had the hardest time reading that thing, but really were just so excited/nervous we couldn't believe what we saw! Lesson #1 ladies: Buy the one that says "PREGNANT" or "NOT PREGNANT." Needless to say, we were elated.

Fast forward through the morning, I had an ultrasound appointment at the hospital for my thyroids, we of course hadn't told anyone, until the moment when asked "Is this an ultrasound for a good reason?" I said "No, but I did just find out today that I'm pregnant." The next week, I waited for a call from my OB, to let me know about my thyroids, there was a noticeable tumor in each one, I needed a biopsy, "Oh and you're pregnant! Sorry the test got sent out with the other blood work!" (Of course we already knew this and had set up our first appointment!) I had the biopsy, nervous that the local would hurt Baby G, as we so lovingly called baby. Until that moment, I had not even realized the possibility of having cancer. It was so real. I was finally carrying a baby and could also have cancer at the same time. I thank God that was not the case, but it brings me to this:

Baby G, my dear son, the moment I saw that +, and really the moment I KNEW I was pregnant, I loved you. There was never a day through my pregnancy and a day since you've been here with us, that I haven't loved you. That love grows deeper every day and I thank God that He has richly blessed my life with you.

To mommies to be and want to be mommies, you hear about this love and how much you love a life and person you've never "met," but to have it, is more than I can even describe.